A big party is being held to honor relational database systems & their impact on the modern society.  Outside the hotel, the host awaits the guests.

The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

Host: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

Host: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.

Host: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp twitter hashtag for when the sh*t hits the fan.

20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess.

Host: Where have you been MySQL
MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st

A SQL Query walks into a bar. Walks up to 2 tables and says, "May I join you?"

Went in to Marcus’ bedroom to check on him after he went quiet.

He was asleep, but…

STOP! This is important…

No dinosaur karaoke permitted!

Installing the .NET Framework 3.5 as a pre-requisite for a web-app.

Get a dialog up saying “Please close the following applications before installation can proceed”

‘iexplore.exe’
‘dotnetfx35setup.exe’

The sort of points that might kill a bee¹

• VB6 runtime support will be supported in Windows7.  Woo?
• Not sure I like where they’re going with the Visual Studio 2010 interface.  I want fast, efficient and productive; not pretty. 
• I have over 300MB of images in my Wallpapers folder (I love that W7 has a built in wallpaper changer).   And surprisingly 0 boobies. 
• I willingly installed iTunes (with QuickTime) and Safari 4 (beta) tonight.  The Safari installer was nice; it asked what extra bits I did/didn’t want.  
  iTunes just went for it, and I had to remove a pile of junk later.
• I fired up the version of a customer facing application I developed at work.  It was replaced by a new and improved version (that I didn’t write) in 2006.  My old version presents the EXACT same look’n’feel, offers more features and is at least 400% faster according to the benchmarking tools I used.  
  We’re upgrading to an “even better” platform in June/July.  Current test site is 1000% slower than the current site, let alone my site.  Performance is not expected to improve, but it’s got more wizzy bits now.

¹ Sorry, private joke.

I have found something more confusing than Microsoft Licensing.

The server patching regime for our datacentre/hosting provider

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer.

The bartender says "You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

More information: I’m a PC

Was cleaning / sorting the workshop a few days/weeks ago, and realised something that “wasn’t quite right”:

Ignoring the calculator (Casio FX-6500G (seriously cool!!)) and the multi-meter, from the left we have:
- 90% Isopropyl Alcohol
- Nail polish remover (Acetone)
- Butane fuelled cigarette lighter
- “Safety” matches

Add to the fact they were stored in an area which is prone to sparks, heat and poor ventilation (oh and electrical current), I decided to separate things out a bit…